“Occasionally we hear something like, ‘Why, we have been married for fifty years, and we have never had a difference of opinion.’ If that is literally the case, then one of the partners is overly dominated by the other or, as someone said, is a stranger to the truth. Any intelligent couple will have differences of opinion. Our challenge is to be sure that we know how to resolve them. That is part of the process of making a good marriage better” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 86; or Ensign, May 1995, 65).
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The Higher Road
Well, this could be partly funny. . . I have two callings/jobs at church. One is to teach in the women's group on Sunday and one is to team teach in Sunday School with Mark the Marriage Relations class. OK after you stop chuckling or laughing out loud for that matter. . . We've taught for 4 weeks already 
and have had fun. Luckily you don't have to be perfect to teach! Anyway, on Sunday we were talking about a covenant marriage verses a marriage that would easily be thrown to the side once you don't get what you want. We were discussing the characteristics a long-term marriage. During the discussion (which was wonderful) one of the sisters said that 2 years into her 21 year old marriage she and her husband hadn't fought really (she's a very kind, easy going woman so I really believe her). One day her husband was late for something and was really apologetic about the difficulty that it brought them. She was a little miffed. Then she realized that she had this sense of power over him because of his mistake. She said that she really didn't like that feeling of power over her husband. She at the time thought that it was inappropriate to have that kind of a feeling in her marriage. She felt that is was unfair to their relationship to hold something over his head and would hurt the marriage she loved and valued. I had the biggest lightbulb moment!!! Think about it. She could have held this moment over her husband's head for a minute, day or year and gotten this or that from doing it. She would be right, right? And then notice the strength of character she had at her young age to recognize how hurtful her own thoughts and actions could have been. Her potential actions could have become abusive. But she would be allowed in the eyes of many because her husband messed up. Instead, she took the higher more respectable road. Mark and I have been talking about this very thing in a family setting for several months and really over the years. We've tried to hash out how wrong this felt in the relationships in our lives. I now had the opportunity to apply it in my own heart. Anyway, take it however you want but this wonderful, wise pure-of-heart woman hit a major point. Major. I am sooooo grateful to have been there to hear it. Priceless.
and have had fun. Luckily you don't have to be perfect to teach! Anyway, on Sunday we were talking about a covenant marriage verses a marriage that would easily be thrown to the side once you don't get what you want. We were discussing the characteristics a long-term marriage. During the discussion (which was wonderful) one of the sisters said that 2 years into her 21 year old marriage she and her husband hadn't fought really (she's a very kind, easy going woman so I really believe her). One day her husband was late for something and was really apologetic about the difficulty that it brought them. She was a little miffed. Then she realized that she had this sense of power over him because of his mistake. She said that she really didn't like that feeling of power over her husband. She at the time thought that it was inappropriate to have that kind of a feeling in her marriage. She felt that is was unfair to their relationship to hold something over his head and would hurt the marriage she loved and valued. I had the biggest lightbulb moment!!! Think about it. She could have held this moment over her husband's head for a minute, day or year and gotten this or that from doing it. She would be right, right? And then notice the strength of character she had at her young age to recognize how hurtful her own thoughts and actions could have been. Her potential actions could have become abusive. But she would be allowed in the eyes of many because her husband messed up. Instead, she took the higher more respectable road. Mark and I have been talking about this very thing in a family setting for several months and really over the years. We've tried to hash out how wrong this felt in the relationships in our lives. I now had the opportunity to apply it in my own heart. Anyway, take it however you want but this wonderful, wise pure-of-heart woman hit a major point. Major. I am sooooo grateful to have been there to hear it. Priceless. Thursday, August 7, 2008
I'm Missing You Today
Dear Lauren,
I came walking in from Michael's Freshman Orientation meeting tonight after checking out the boys' new school and working on all of the paperwork and figuring out the parking permits, etc. and had the impulse like I have time and time again to chat away about all of the logistics, routines, and people that come with a new year at school. I didn't have you to chat with. I miss you.
For all of the 13+ years of schooling that I've watched you go through and helped you with, you'd think I'd feel like I did on your graduation day-like screaming out a big huge scre
am as if you had won the NCAA championship or World Series. You are a shining star in my heart and I've never been more proud of you.
am as if you had won the NCAA championship or World Series. You are a shining star in my heart and I've never been more proud of you. You faced challenge after challenge, uncomfortable confrontation after uncomfortable confrontation, time and time again. You had the oldest sibling role which included being your siblings' friend and advocate which put you in some very difficult roles. Year after year, we've worked through these things together. And you always have come out having learned something really valuable for you.
Lauren, I am going to miss our day in and day out moments. I already do. But today, I really, really wanted to see you and hug you and chat. I know we chatted on the phone with Kathryn, too, earlier. That was really nice. It's just the back to school routine, you know?
I can't go back in time. You are my bright, beautiful daughter who is now an amazing capable woman. Wow.
I love you dearly. You are a part of me.
I am so grateful.
Did I say that I love you?
I love you. :)
Forever your crazy, loving mother
Mom (or Mumsie, as Grandma Ellsworth would say)
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
On Monday, I found myself early in the morning thinking about my mother, my mother who has been gone for over 16 years now. I was 25 when she passed on. I was 3 weeks from having our 3rd baby (and a big, beautiful baby he was), and had just been able to enjoy, with my husband and children a move into our first home.
I was fortunate to have an "adult" relationship with Mom for a short time. Many of my siblings didn't get to have any years like that. Life is what it is. Who would have thought? Not me.
Monday was her birthday.
But that's all just background information now. My thoughts were only simple and so peaceful and sweet to me.
I reflected on how wonderful it was that my mother was born. She was a real light in this life.
I then naturally turned to the deep gratitude that I feel when I think that she brought me into this world. I am grateful it was her that I came to (as well as my wonderful father). I will be ever so grateful that she made that choice and sacrifice for me.
Forever thank you Mom
I love you dearly
Friday, August 1, 2008
24 This is eternal lives—to know the only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ, whom he hath sent. I am he. Receive ye, therefore, my law. (D&C 132:24) (www.lds.org "scriptures" link)
I noticed the words in this today as I prepared a lesson. Notice the word "lives" and in the next verse the word "deaths" is also in plural. Isn't it interesting that this was changed in the bible. I am not sure that it's of a huge significance but the plural seems deliberate.
I also noticed that the word wise is in this verse as compared to the bible. It seems to make the description of God our Father more well rounded instead of the harsh, judging God that He is portrayed as so often. I can look at this and think of him has my Father who will counsel with me and share His wisdom in my many moments of need.
The term "law" referred to by Jesus in this verse is really important. It shows that there are important guidelines and boundaries for us. More importantly as we read more in these verses, we see the importance of this "law" as being two way covenants that need to be followed and worked on. Isn't is such a beautiful, full, verse? Doesn't is show God our Father and his Son, Jesus' power yet real love and concern for us to understand what is most important?
I am so grateful that our Savior takes so much time and effort on our behalf to work with us at our different stages that we go through in this existence. I am sooooo grateful that He and our Father in Heaven are patient and wise and steady. They are the only ones who are consistently so. How wonderful to know this and use this knowledge to handle everything day to day.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
To Be Real
"For a long time he lived in the toy cupboard or on the nursery floor, and no one thought very much about him. He was naturally shy, and being only made of velveteen, some of the more expensive toys quite snubbed him. The mechanical toys were very superior, and looked down upon every one else; they were full of modern ideas, and pretended they were real. The model boat, who had lived through two seasons and lost most of his paint, caught the tone from them and never missed an opportunity of referring to his rigging in technical terms. The Rabbit could not claim to be a model of anything, for he didn't know that real rabbits existed; he thought they were all stuffed with sawdust like himself, and he understood that sawdust was quite out-of-date and should never be mentioned in modern circles. Even Timothy, the jointed wooden lion, who was made by the disabled soldiers, and should have had broader views, put on airs and pretended he was connected with Government. Between them all the poor little Rabbit was made to feel himself very insignificant and commonplace, and the only person who was kind to him at all was the Skin Horse.
The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.
The Skin Horse Tells His Story
"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."
The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; "(The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams)
The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.
The Skin Horse Tells His Story
"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."
The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; "(The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams)
In our Every Day Lives
Thoughts from my Brother Ben:
I hope that my brother doesn't mind that I'm sharing his thoughts from a week or so ago. I just couldn't help but take these things in and really gain some insight for myself on not just the act of making a covenant but actually living the covenants I make. Sometimes it's hard to put these things into words. But for me, it's not enough to know the facts about the Savior and his gospel, I feel that I should be incorporating the gospel into my daily living. Ben shared some of these ideas in great ways. . .
"Our relationship with others is directly related to the covenants we make with God.
What do I mean by this?
Aside from promising to love our neighbors as ourselves, lift one another’s burdens, worship together, and to share the Gospel, there are other aspects to being part of a covenant people that makes living the Gospel unique.
First is being a covenant person.
When we personally keep our covenants – we dedicate ourselves to this pursuit, repenting often and pushing forward – we change. We start asking interesting questions like, “How do I develop more charity for others?” “I really want to do XYZ, but what would the Lord have me do?” “Is there someone I know who needs help today?” “That kid really is noisy. Wait, I have my own noisy kids too. Perhaps what those parents really need is an understanding smile?”
This is because of the following phenomenon. When we keep our covenants, we gain the companionship of the Spirit, which in turn changes us into peculiar people:
Gal. 5: 22
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Eph. 5: 9
9 (For [also,] the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)
As the spirit works in us, we find that covenant keeping is not a solitary act. It extends to others around us. For example, and I know I’ve told the story before. When I was 13 my mother was extremely ill with cancer. Our house was painted, sprinklers installed, a broken sewer line dug up and replaced by ordinary people who honored they’re covenants and sought to serve someone in need.
Second is being a covenant family.
I learned about the importance of covenants and how they work from my family. My father taught the covenant lessons for FHE, and we talked about each new covenant we would make when growing up in the Church – baptism, Priesthood, marriage. But it was in living those that the beauty of covenant keeping came through in my family.
I come from a family of 10 kids. Now by no means are we a perfect family. But we are very close and we understand our roles with each other. It is one of the many things I look forward to each day to check my email or a family member’s blog to see what is going on in Kentucky, Boston, New York City, Virginia, Maryland, Alaska, Utah, or here in CA. We offer support, friendship, laughs, and advice to each other daily. We understand that not all of us would approach a situation the same and we accept that. We understand that our advice is just that and may be left unheeded. But in the end, when it comes down to the nitty gritty of life, we are family – we’re there to fast and pray for each other when a child is born with a heart defect, praise each others’ kids’ creativity and successes, and generally be a safe haven from the wiles of the world. I hope to carry this on with my children because it has been invaluable to me in my life.
Third is we are a covenant people.
If I were to take the microcosm of my family and extend it out into this Church, I see the same support offered here (minus the emails.) We strive for happiness. We strive for humility, charity, and love. In short we try to emulate the people of Alma who were baptized at the waters of Mormon. We are…
Mosiah 18:8-10
9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye [we] may be in, even until death, that ye [we] may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye [we] may have eternal life—
10 Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?
In discussing this talk with my wife, we both came to realize how good this ward has been to us and to each other. We feel recharged after each Sunday and we know it comes from the dedication and preparation of each member to contribute to each other’s spiritual well being. As a ward and even as a Stake we do some of the most selfless acts to help lift one another. We take time to visit each other once a month. Some give up a day of work to chaperone youth at a youth conference. Others faithfully fulfill temple assignments to allow those who otherwise would not be able to take on the covenants of the Gospel to do so. When we are sick, the ward unites to support the afflicted with temporal and spiritual service. This list goes on and on."
Aren't these great ideas and examples? Well, I think so. What good is it to be book smart if we don't apply that great knowledge to our life's decisions? So what good is it to know the facts and even go through the motions of covenant making if we have no intention of implementing change in our own lives.
Let's see. The covenants we make talk about us being willing to be like the Savior. Is that so bad? Too boring? Right. They also talk about us being willing to serve others/be kind and helpful. That can't be too much, right? They talk about us being willing to share our thoughts about the Savior, Jesus Christ with other, if they want. I don't know. Hmmm. I can talk about tv shows, books, clothes, hair styles, etc. I guess talking about the creator of this world and the one being who is responsible for my existence day to day also can't be too much to ask.
Anyway, there are so many things that living the gospel covers. So I'll just have to plug away at it and keep my attitude in check. I'll be happier. I know I'm so much happier now than I ever would have been because I was willing to stick to my covenants.
Thanks, Ben, for the wonderful thoughts! And congrats on your new "little" baby boy!!!
I hope that my brother doesn't mind that I'm sharing his thoughts from a week or so ago. I just couldn't help but take these things in and really gain some insight for myself on not just the act of making a covenant but actually living the covenants I make. Sometimes it's hard to put these things into words. But for me, it's not enough to know the facts about the Savior and his gospel, I feel that I should be incorporating the gospel into my daily living. Ben shared some of these ideas in great ways. . .
"Our relationship with others is directly related to the covenants we make with God.
What do I mean by this?
Aside from promising to love our neighbors as ourselves, lift one another’s burdens, worship together, and to share the Gospel, there are other aspects to being part of a covenant people that makes living the Gospel unique.
First is being a covenant person.
When we personally keep our covenants – we dedicate ourselves to this pursuit, repenting often and pushing forward – we change. We start asking interesting questions like, “How do I develop more charity for others?” “I really want to do XYZ, but what would the Lord have me do?” “Is there someone I know who needs help today?” “That kid really is noisy. Wait, I have my own noisy kids too. Perhaps what those parents really need is an understanding smile?”
This is because of the following phenomenon. When we keep our covenants, we gain the companionship of the Spirit, which in turn changes us into peculiar people:
Gal. 5: 22
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Eph. 5: 9
9 (For [also,] the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)
As the spirit works in us, we find that covenant keeping is not a solitary act. It extends to others around us. For example, and I know I’ve told the story before. When I was 13 my mother was extremely ill with cancer. Our house was painted, sprinklers installed, a broken sewer line dug up and replaced by ordinary people who honored they’re covenants and sought to serve someone in need.
Second is being a covenant family.
I learned about the importance of covenants and how they work from my family. My father taught the covenant lessons for FHE, and we talked about each new covenant we would make when growing up in the Church – baptism, Priesthood, marriage. But it was in living those that the beauty of covenant keeping came through in my family.
I come from a family of 10 kids. Now by no means are we a perfect family. But we are very close and we understand our roles with each other. It is one of the many things I look forward to each day to check my email or a family member’s blog to see what is going on in Kentucky, Boston, New York City, Virginia, Maryland, Alaska, Utah, or here in CA. We offer support, friendship, laughs, and advice to each other daily. We understand that not all of us would approach a situation the same and we accept that. We understand that our advice is just that and may be left unheeded. But in the end, when it comes down to the nitty gritty of life, we are family – we’re there to fast and pray for each other when a child is born with a heart defect, praise each others’ kids’ creativity and successes, and generally be a safe haven from the wiles of the world. I hope to carry this on with my children because it has been invaluable to me in my life.
Third is we are a covenant people.
If I were to take the microcosm of my family and extend it out into this Church, I see the same support offered here (minus the emails.) We strive for happiness. We strive for humility, charity, and love. In short we try to emulate the people of Alma who were baptized at the waters of Mormon. We are…
Mosiah 18:8-10
9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye [we] may be in, even until death, that ye [we] may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye [we] may have eternal life—
10 Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?
In discussing this talk with my wife, we both came to realize how good this ward has been to us and to each other. We feel recharged after each Sunday and we know it comes from the dedication and preparation of each member to contribute to each other’s spiritual well being. As a ward and even as a Stake we do some of the most selfless acts to help lift one another. We take time to visit each other once a month. Some give up a day of work to chaperone youth at a youth conference. Others faithfully fulfill temple assignments to allow those who otherwise would not be able to take on the covenants of the Gospel to do so. When we are sick, the ward unites to support the afflicted with temporal and spiritual service. This list goes on and on."
Aren't these great ideas and examples? Well, I think so. What good is it to be book smart if we don't apply that great knowledge to our life's decisions? So what good is it to know the facts and even go through the motions of covenant making if we have no intention of implementing change in our own lives.
Let's see. The covenants we make talk about us being willing to be like the Savior. Is that so bad? Too boring? Right. They also talk about us being willing to serve others/be kind and helpful. That can't be too much, right? They talk about us being willing to share our thoughts about the Savior, Jesus Christ with other, if they want. I don't know. Hmmm. I can talk about tv shows, books, clothes, hair styles, etc. I guess talking about the creator of this world and the one being who is responsible for my existence day to day also can't be too much to ask.
Anyway, there are so many things that living the gospel covers. So I'll just have to plug away at it and keep my attitude in check. I'll be happier. I know I'm so much happier now than I ever would have been because I was willing to stick to my covenants.
Thanks, Ben, for the wonderful thoughts! And congrats on your new "little" baby boy!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)