Our Own Tormentors

Back in June I posted this blog: http://lifespringsfromdeeperthings.blogspot.com/2008_06_01_archive.html

I was relaying some thoughts that had occurred to me and found them to be far more reasonable than what the traditions have taught me.

I really do believe that like in this life, when we die, we will be our own hell, our own tormentors. We have that kind of power in this life already to work on our choices, correct them if needed, enjoy the good and keep on living.
The Atonement is such a key aspect of not living in hell. When we repent, really repent, not just say I'm sorry but really focus on our harmful actions and remedy them, we find new hope and new life. Having the atonement is an essential gift that lets us see moments of heaven where we are free from sin and torment. We find that strength in being clean as a whole or in that one area in our lives.
If we are not really done fixing, we will not have an overwhelming peace. We might have comfort but not the strength of purity and the sense of progression.

Here are some quotes that I read this week:
“God has decreed that all who will not obey His voice shall not escape the damnation of hell. What is the damnation of hell? To go with that society who have not obeyed His commands. … I know that all men will be damned if they do not come in the way which He hath opened, and this is the way marked out by the word of the Lord.”12
“The great misery of departed spirits in the world of spirits, where they go after death, is to know that they come short of the glory that others enjoy and that they might have enjoyed themselves, and they are their own accusers.”13
“There is no pain so awful as that of suspense. This is the punishment of the wicked; their doubt, anxiety and suspense cause weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth.”14
“A man is his own tormentor and his own condemner. Hence the saying, They shall go into the lake that burns with fire and brimstone [see Revelation 21:8]. The torment of disappointment in the mind of man is as exquisite as a lake burning with fire and brimstone. I say, so is the torment of man. …
“… Some shall rise to the everlasting burnings of God, for God dwells in everlasting burnings, and some shall rise to the damnation of their own filthiness, which is as exquisite a torment as the lake of fire and brimstone.”15 (Joseph Smith)

This is the life to prepare to meet God, right? We need to act in faith being self assured (Heb 11:1) as we go that we are one with our Savior's wisdom and love for us and our love ones. We need to repent. We need to grow in the process. If we allow ourselves to live without real repentance and don't make important changes, we will be miserable now and forever. We need to forgive and love and be careful how we act. The Savior knew this and so he gave us all kinds of solid instruction on what consists of loving, pure behavior culminating in 1 Corinthians (http://scriptures.lds.org/en/1_cor/13/1-13#4) with the definition of the characteristics of Charity.

The long and short of it is is that our joy is a choice that we make. We are our own worst enemy. We have the controls on our progression here in this existence and where we are able to go after we're done here. Do we want regrets? Or as others say, do we want our own hell? I don't know that many people do. I have a hope that we all want real happiness and should just keep pushing on working our best to be in "heaven". It seems very difficult at times but if it was impossible, it wouldn't be asked of us.

Happiness is living with no regrets.

In that last paragraph of quotes it says that God dwells in everlasting burnings. I hope that living in the everlasting burnings of purity and love and joy is all that I and my loved ones ever see.

I actually went to a Book Club!!! Well, we went out for dessert at the Cheesecake Factory afterwards and I'm moving away from these wonderful women so I really wanted to spend some time with them while I could. Looks like I was the benefactor.
We talked about two books that were about Emma Smith. One was, Emma Smith: An Elect Lady by Susan Easton Black and the other that was brought up was Judge Me, Dear Reader by Erwin Wirkus. We had a wonderful discussion on the two books and on Joseph and Emma Smith and their challenges and on what became of Emma after Joseph was killed in Carthage.
Emma, was a strong willed and upright woman and very well educated for the time. She remarried a rough man who was a womanizer and was abusive-the opposite of Joseph. She stayed in Nauvoo after all of the saints were driven out or left to travel west for religious freedoms.
There are a lot of recorded instances where she was very mean and angry and spiteful towards others. She made some very questionable life decisions. Anyway, I thought quite a bit out all of this but I still don't want to judge her too harshly. She faced a lot of very very hard circumstances that could have contributed to her bitterness.
No matter what her life's outcome, I thought long and hard about a quote that came from one of the books.
It reads:
"Brigham Young was absolutely correct in his statement, because Joseph would find her in the hell that she had created for herself, and I firmly believe that, because of his love for her, he would redeem her from that state. I have real sympathy for Emma and see her as a person who became burned-out mentally and therefore spiritually. I believe that she suffered a severe mental breakdown when she saw her dead husband. We must also remember that she had asked Joseph to come back to Nauvoo even though he had said that if he were to return and stand trial he would be killed or 'he was not a prophet of God'."

The thought that really hit me was " in the hell that she had created for herself". I think we all create our own "hells" in this life. We are mean to people, maybe we covet another person, or we put our own wants before the needs of others, or maybe we are even overly judgemental, or we feel the need to be better than everyone, or need attention on a regular basis so we back bite or act innocent while backing up some terrible power struggles, etc. etc. etc. Hell is all about having regrets and living in the sadness of those thoughts. Hell is not forgiving. Hell is not loving unconditionally. Hell is not being loved and not knowing why and wanting it so badly. Hell is not having faith.

Regrets, regrets, regrets.

It kind of backs up another interesting idea someone shared on a program talking about out of body experiences where certain people had died and come back and spoke about it. One guy said that after his spirit left his body he was bombarded by a constant barrage from people who he had hurt or disappointed. They would come at him with questions of why. That stuck in my head at the time as quite possibly more of what I would have thought hell to be like. No rest just sadness and regrets and anxiety.

So, my question is,
do we really want to live in hell?
Then why create it?

Forgive.
Love.
Have faith.
Live a life with ALL of these qualities.
Could it be this simple?
It looks like we get to chose . . .
heaven
or
hell.