When we fall in love and "know" that the person we are in a relationship with is THE one that we would like to spend the rest of our life with, we have a level of love that has been developed.
We are very interested in continuing that development. We talk about our goals and watch for characteristics that would be positive or negative and make worthwhile decisions as to whether or not marriage is an option. This life changing decision should never go without sincere prayer by either par
ty.Prayer. When to start? Yesterday. I remember one time a woman at church teaching a few of us young teenagers that she had been praying for her future spouse for many years before they had met. She had prayed for his well being, for his spiritual development, and for whatever else might need to be happening before they met. She felt strongly that this kept her in the right frame of mind as well as that it blessed him. I took her advise and found myself receiving promptings at times as to my future husband's well being. One time in particular, I didn't feel calm, I had a worried anxious feeling and prayed more for him. I did find out later that he had some things he went through at the time. Interesting, huh?
What did this do for me? It taught me that I had someone that I needed to work on being prepared to meet someday. It taught me that the world didn't/doesn't revolve around me. It gave me an eternal perspective, one that confirmed to me that there was a life plan for me and that I was actively involved in it.
Before we meet. Many people assume that what they do previous to meeting Mr or Mrs Right doesn't have much bearing on the outcome of finding that wonderful person. Wrong. Everything we do from childhood into adulthood has everything to do with being prepared to participate in a healthy marriage and create a loving family. Some things to consider: Learn patience in your home growing up and in college with roommates and on missions with companions. Learn to serve others (for a myriad of reasons). Learn about yourself, your personality, your strengths, your weaknesses. Work on yourself so that you get in the habit of changing you and loving others for being who they are.
When you meet. Communicate with that person. Observe the habits and characteristics that they have. Pray daily or more for a confirmation that they are the Mr or Mrs Right of your life. Have faith that you'll know. And when you have that confirmation, hold on to that moment i
n your mind and heart for the rest of your life. That confirmation should be your personal scripture on your heart, your "iron rod" of your family helping you to hang on through the good and bad times-they come and go like the ebbing tide of the ocean.When you Court. Keep positive. Keep Prayerful. Keep learning and growing. This is the time to learn to work together in planning, in praying, in working, etc. There is so much to learn throughout life and this is the exciting beginning of the process. Keeping strong in prayer individually and as a couple will help you have the spirit to know this person better and to have healthy instincts in your relationship develop. Being sexual at this time will interfere with your ability to have the spiritual guide. Be watchful that you protect this most wonderful tool in your developing relationship.
Marriage. Marriage is not just a promise between two people. It is a sacred covenant between the Savior and these two people. This new couple promises the Lord certain things and He also has endless promises for them as they keep this eternal covenant.
After the honeymoon is over. There is a much needed time of joy and rejoicing, of celebrating this life moment. After the glittery dust settles, breath and start your journey! As much as you should have been praying before, you should double your efforts now. This is not about changing your new spouse to fit your demands. This prayer time is for YOU to work on YOU. You need to change. You need to improve. You need to be one with the Lord as you become the best you that you can be in the challenges that will most assuredly come.
Know this. At at least one time in your married life will have to carried what seems like 100% of the family burden. YOU WILL and YOU CAN. A sweet spouse can get laid off of a job, become very ill, get in an accident, go through rigorous schooling, etc. etc. etc. Just because you have to work harder for a short or long time doesn't mean that the other spouse has failed you. I know of a family who's very healthy father had a stroke at a very young age. The mother had to work for years and years and still does! They are a large family and so loving and supportive of each other. No they couldn't have a lot of money but they hung in there and served each other, served others readily, and worked hard together. Many many sacrifices were made. She never gave up on him and he never gave up on her. NEVER. So just because you might not have the "cookie cutter" life now, doesn't give you license to break up your family.
My father once told me in all of his wisdom, "Unless the Lord gives you permission, you don't have permission to break His covenant". Think, like I did, long and hard about this. In the Bible we read in aMatthew 19:7-8 (King James Version) that divorce is not of God, but was given to man because of their hard hearts. When things are so bad that ending a marriage seems like the only way to save the family member from harm, then there is much prayer and fasting that will need to happen as well as some wise counseling to gather. There is always more that just oneself to consider in these serious matters.
Nowadays, our community would tell us that it's ok to start over in a new marriage. Why not? We've grown apart? Hogwash. That's the biggest cop out ever. It's selfish and egotistical to assume that when we don't "feel" the honeymoon excitement that we "deserve" to have someone else.
What has happened? Well, you need to think about it. What are you doing to build up your spouse and family? What are you doing without condition? What are you doing to show your family that YOU are willing to stick out the hard/bad times? What are you doing to show them how it's done? YOU have that responsibility. Don't look to others to teach your loved ones. You promised them that you would carry this "cross" before you even got to this earth. You promised them that you would be their guide and advocate and friend. You promised them that you would be a healer in their life not a destroyer.
The toilet seat won't always be where you want it. The money will not always be there in abundance (and maybe never). The kids won't always pick of their rooms (call me if they do). You won't always feel successful and fulfilled. But when you look back on the hard times from the watchtower of the better times, you will see the growth and the majesty of a developing life. You will have something more valuable that riches to take with you when this life is over. It will be that you will come to know that you are changing, you are strong, you are capable, and that you have the strength of the Lord at your side.
If you have tried the Lord in all your life's activities and decisions, you will find that your path will be His path and His path your path. You will find joy DURING your journey.
None of this is spoken from a perfect spouse nor from a perfect person. But I have and continue to try the Lord in everything in my life. I have and continue to face serious challenges.
His ways are proven. His ways bring the most joy and the most indelible success that can be found.
a. "7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a awriting• of bdivorcement•, and to put her away?
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